Things That Neji Must Know
by Athena SFM
Summary: Sasuke had to get back at Neji for humiliating him. Sequel to 'Things That Sasuke Must Not Do'. One-shot. Randomness. Crack!Pairings. SasuHina.


**Disclaimer:** My name is definitely not Masahi Kishimoto.

Hooray for the major procrastinator! Hooray! SasuHina foh lyf. In Naruto-verse, I ship NaruHina. In FFs, I adore the ship that is the Sasuhina. Or GaaHina.

Un-beta'd. Sequel to _'Things That Sasuke Must Not Do'. _Meet my crack!pairings. Kinda-OCC, if you squint hard enough. I was never a funny person and that's why writing this is so awkkkwarddd.

**Dedication:** **For those lovely readers who reviewed my _'Things That Sasuke Must Not Do'; alee26606, Woow, sulli8989, Shonny, daydreamer102308, umnia, BashyBunny and JeanyDeiXzz. Love y'all._**

* * *

**Day 1**

Eyebrows burrowing, he sensed someone inside Sasuke's apartment. Knowing that no one he knows could be inside, he stopped on his tracks. He hitherto thought that no one is deranged enough to even take a peek inside whilst knowing it was Uchiha's but it seems he was rather wrong. One person is fearless and stupid enough to go as far as going in. However, to his chagrin, he feels no sign of hostility from the intruder. Rather, it seems that someone is unconscious or...

_Could it be someone's corpse?_

He quickly disregarded the thought. Naruto could only hope he's wrong. Sasuke would face a predicament, if ever. Having a dead body inside your apartment was never a good thing. On top of that, he would lose all the work he had done all these past years only to be allowed to live inside the village walls over this. The Council is more than happy to just lock him up forever.

_Could it be someone strong sneaked into Konoha without anyone knowing?_ Like, for the umpteenth time? _It's always us who gets infiltrated. _Someone must have had a grudge against his village because it's always Konoha who get attacks from strong villains. _Someone_ surely is making them target.

Probably Kishimoto.

Pushing back the non-functional thought in the corner of his mind, as the way things stand now, it is dangerous to approach the door without being thrown into danger.

Standing 8 feet away from the doorway, he looks for anything that shows any sign of forced entry. None, so far. Where could have the person entered other than coming in through the ingress?

_Could it be he sneaked in through Sasuke's window?_

He knew it was the worst and the least likely approach any ninja of this person's level, assuming he is a jounin or above, could have done. His best friend had never once left his jalousies open, if Sasuke even had the concern of opening them. Aside from that, Sasuke's residence is on the fifth floor of the building strategically in front of the academy. The Council had high level ninjas watching him from time to time and he knows two of them were just around his abode. Not that Sasuke doesn't _know_ that he's being watched. The two on-watch ninjas should have noticed if someone forced their way through the windows and he is yet to receive any report.

He has a bad feeling about this.

Moving as fast as he could, he entered his sworn brother's home. He got the shock of his life from the scene that greeted his eyes. Hinata.

Unmoving and pale.

She's dead.

Hinata is dead and she's holding something. A letter. On top her her abdomen.

Her suicide note.

"Hinata!"

* * *

"Where is that dobe?"

That guy is a handful when drunk. He found him drunk, _very drunk,_ on his table muttering his girlfriend's name saying lines along that of, _'She hates me now. Sasuke-chan, what do I do?'_. The blonde Yamanaka girl, _what was her name again?_, had left him, that is according to their former sensei, and he still pines for her.

He does not care.

However, he finds himself looking for the knucklehead after he ran away from him. God knows what's going on in that miniscule brain of his. Naruto wanted them to play a kid's play. That was after making him listen how he was the perfect catch for his ex-girlfriend, why did she have to leave, he's the Hokage and he'll have the ANBU kidnap and assassinate whoever tries to take her away from him and what was her favorite color for undies again?

Then he persuaded him to play hide-and-seek. What are they, pre-teens?

He's going to strangle him as soon as he sees him.

Not giving any fuck to a lot pair of eyes sending him daggers, he turned towards the busiest part of uptown Konoha. He surmised that Naruto would mosey here. It is around two hours before noon and who the fuck drinks at daybreak. Seeing a bob of pink from the corner of his eyes, he waited for a fraction of a second before hearing his name being called. "Sasuke!"

With the knowledge that she would follow him, he walked straight ahead at slower pace still looking for an obnoxious orange. Sakura ran to his sides looking worried. "Where is him?"

"I'm looking for that dobe too." Knowing exactly who she was referring to.

"Damn." She momentarily paused. "By the way, Ino said that she met Hina-chan this morning and mentioned she is going to visit you. Have you two met yet? I haven't seen her. She left the compound without telling anyone where she'll be off to."

"No." He was with Kakashi. "She's probably in my apartment waiting." He added.

"Oh."

Remembering her first question, he asked, "Why are you looking for him anyways?"

"Well, I just heard he was drunk. I ain't letting him go around like that. He's like little Tsunade for that matter." He agreed. Naruto gets troublesome when drunk. "Besides, Ino asked me to look after him for awhile. She's worried."

"If she is concerned, why not go back with him?"

Sakura's answer is a shrug and an uninterested, 'I don't know'.

He, for once, agree with Shikamaru. Women are troublesome.

Noticing her appearance, a maternity dress, a leggings and flat shoes, he halted from walk. He gave her an overall. His eyes lingered a moment on her swollen abdomen before finally setting on her face. "How far are you?"

Flashing him a bright smile, Sakura rubbed her middle enthusiastically. "Four."

He shook his head at her cheerful tone. Why does she looks so happy? She had to ditch missions outside the village for her condition. Also, Sasuke still can't believe that she married_ that_ prick. Even if he never loved her romantically, he still cares for her. Not that anyone would hear him saying that, but still, why did Sakura even chose _him? _She's really pretty, he admits that, and she has a lot of admirers but why did it has to be someone with a stick up his ass.

And a major cockblocker.

Coming up with nothing to say, he merely let down his shoulder. It's her choice, even if it is a really _bad_ choice. "Good for you, Sakura." _I guess._

"Thanks."

They were silent afterwards. Having no exact location in mind, they wander around the uptown district of Konoha. They actually forgot they are looking for Naruto. Sometimes stopping when someone greets them, mainly congratulations for Sakura, they walk in reticence.

It was like that until Sakura decided to be annoying.

"Ne, Sasuke-kun, have you done it yet with Hina-chan yet?" Nudging his sides, Sakura teased.

Cocking an eyebrow, he tried to evade her question. "What do you think?" He prefers it secret between him and his fiancee. If he said no, she would pester him to do it. Then if tells his ex-teammate that have done it, she would probably tell her husband.

Then the next morning he was going to be greeted by a barrage of kunai and a _not-so_-gentle fist. Neji Hyuuga definitely has issues.

He didn't notice that they were heading towards the building of his apartment until the newest Hyuuga had made him stop. She was pointing at something above. Looking up, he saw Naruto walked passed by the window on the hallway of the floor he lives in. He looks serious. _Too_ serious.

Then he remembers that his sworn brother is actually drunk.

A drunk Naruto is stupid.

But a _very drunk_ and a heartbroken Naruto is a _very stupid_ Naruto.

_Hinata,_ he thought.

He run towards his apartment the fastest he can.

* * *

Neji is pleased. Hanabi sat across him sipping her tea. His little cousin smirked at him knowingly. By now, Sasuke had probably read their letter.

He can only imagine his reaction. Sasuke would be mad but can't do anything about it. Knowing Hinata, she's not going to like it if the two of the most precious men in her life are fighting to death. Not that her two ex-teammates from Team Kurenai likes anything that has Sasuke's name attached to it though. It's three against one.

"Neji-nii-san, don't you think _Sauce_ is going to get back at us?" Hanabi tapped her little forefinger on her chin and frowned. "What if he strikes?"

"Probably," _I wish_ "he would. But _I'll_ be cautious if he ever contemplates attacking _me_." One thing he knows for sure, he would never attack Hanabi. Taking a peek at his younger cousin's face, he saw that she seems to mull over something after giving him one glance.

"Considering you two are alike," he cringed at the remark, "I think I know what he's gonna do."

"Going to do, Hanabi." He chose to ignore the insult of comparing him to that ludicrous and vexatious Uchiha. He won't even ask what was her guess. She'd never tell him anyways.

He went back to sipping his tea.

* * *

He got in inside his residence about two seconds after Naruto barged in. Long enough to hear Naruto exclaimed 'Hinata!'.

There he saw her, lying in the middle of his living room. Naruto was crouched beside her and looking like the alcohol finally got him. Naruto looks like he was about to faint. Which he did after his eyes rolled back but neither him nor Sakura, who came after him panting and muttering some lovely words, paid him a glance.

His eyes were glued to what seems to be Hinata's sleeping form. Or rather, Hinata after she fainted for whatever reason. He sat beside her body and looked for anything unusual on her features that could tell what had happened. Sakura then examined her for any wounds or injuries but found nothing.

"She's safe but I wonder what took place here." She was saying more but he didn't pay her any more attention as he started to carry Hinata princess-style towards his bedroom. After tucking her in without her waking up from her slumber, he decided to go back to his former teammates.

As he got back to his living room, Naruto was still asleep muttering Ino and something, he found Sakura on the verge of tears while holding what seems to be a letter. He noticed Hinata holding it but the medic-nin had snatched it when he carried his fiancee. When she looked up at him, she burst out laughing.

"I think I knew what made her faint, Sasuke-kun." She said between hysterical laughs. "God, my husband is a _genius_."

That piqued his interest. So it was Neji's fault. Taking three strides towards her, he took the letter from her hands and started reading.

The title was as clearly written in thick strokes._ 'Things That You Must Not Do to Hyuuga Hinata, Uchiha'. _Signed below was Neji and Hinata's little sister, Hanabi.

It took him less than half a minute to finish reading it and another half to re-read. Staring at Sakura's red-face from laughing, he burned the paper with a chakra flare. He already has a plan whirling on his head to get back at that damn Hyuuga.

He's gonna get it.

* * *

**Day 2 **

"But I was drunk! I didn't knew what I was doing!"

Naruto was scratching the back of his head lackadaisically while trying to reason out why he thought Hinata was dead.

The two kunoichi had already dismissed Naruto for being dumb but he just can't.

Sasuke, for all the years he had been with this ridiculous orange-wearing Hokage, finally reached the end of his patience for the never-ending non-sensical of the said village leader. The idea itself is outlandish. What ninja of his capability, for the love of Susanoo, would think that an unconscious breathing, albeit shallow, woman is dead? Especially if that woman is his girlfriend but that's another story.

Apparently Naruto is. The one of the strongest, if not he is, shinobi of the Hidden Village of Leaf. It is just he is_ that_ daft.

"Besides, Sasuke.." Naruto grinned his Naruto grin.. "don't you want to get back at Neji?"

He does.

"Let me help you. I was not known to be the Village' Prankster for nothing."

He nodded his approval. "Hn."

Maybe he could just forgive him.

* * *

**Day 3**

It's been two days. Two _unusually_ quite days for Neji. He was expecting Sasuke sooner than this. He knew he had read the letter because Sakura told him about what had happened and Hinata had asked him for his reason for doing what he did.

He was getting fidgety which is his cousin's job. His never-failing intuition tells him that Sasuke has something in his sleeves and he is yet to find it. Neji had spent all his morning inside the Hokage's office because he, for whatever stupid reason he has, made him stay and guard him. He is a ANBU Team captain afterall so he was under the Hokage's direct orders. Naruto had given him a rather lame reason that he was being targeted and he needs him. _Targeted and needed_, my ass. That made his suspicions rather solid about Sasuke's revenge.

As he reach the compound, he heard multiple laughs echoing inside. Highly unlikely because no Hyuuga laughs that loud. Or so he thought. The guards on-duty at the main gate were giving him odd looks. Walking inside, he spotted his bubblegum-haired wife running towards him. Neji's heart quickened its pace.

"Sakura, for God's sake, you're pregnant. Stop running like that!"

"I can't help it. This is so funny." She was laughing animatedly and pointing at the direction of their house. "Sasuke came this morning, that was according to Hana-chan, and asked to meet Hina-chan. I didn't know what happened after that because I was working. I just received the news as soon as I got here. His intention is not Hinata because she was with me in the hospital. I know he knows that. I left Hinata in the hospital because she wants to help longer and I went back here to rest. As soon as I came, I thought of changing my clothes before eating lunch but all the ruckus around our house caught my attention." She said all of those in one breath.

"What did the Uchiha do?" Gritting his teeth he tried not to go past her and stormed through their home. He just can't leave his beloved wife like that.

Removing her fisted hands on his clothes, Sakura pushed him towards the source of commotion. "See for yourself."

Moving as fast as he can, he ran towards it. Only to be met with a large tarpaulin posted in front of their house. The cursed tarpaulin has a list printed on it. The title says, '_Things That Neji Must Know'_.

The crowd around his dwelling has made way for him and the pair of blue, black, green, violet and Hyuuga eyes suddenly got quiet. He didn't pay them a glance and didn't notice why there are multitudes of color.

The tarpaulin got his sole attention.

As he reads through it, somewhat mesmerized by it, he swore he's never going to live this embarrassment ever again.

**_Things That Neji Must Know_**

_1. You are not to tell unattractive people they are not allowed to procreate because you just did._

_2. You are not to prance around the Hyuuga compound naked because not everyone wants to see your teeny-weeny._

_3. You are not to use your Byakugan in my crotch or anyone else' just because they appear bigger than yours._

_4. Mine is a weapon, yours is a stick. Remember that._

_5. You are not to use your Byakugan, again, to look inside pretty boy's clothes. Stop swinging both ways._

_6. You are not allowed to grope boys who would never appreciate it, especially if they are straight, and say 'Straight? So is spaghetti until you heat it up!'._

_7. I'll go tell Might Guy about how you enjoy the blossom of youth. (Excuse me Sakura, pun not intended.)_

_8. You are not to play S&M with captive bandits just because you're in the Interrogation Team._

_9. You are not to have a sexual affair with Lee because no matter how much you try to hide from everyone's eyes, we can still hear you two. Yuck._

_10. I'm pretty sure you use whipped cream for other than its intended purpose. Hypocrite._

* * *

At the other end of Konoha, a man in raven hair had, finally, achieved Nirvana.

* * *

Finally. Made it in between watching Shingeki no Kyojin and playing Grand Chase for four hours.

...

Anyways, I love you all. Reviews and kisses. ~ :3

For those who read and reviews : **I love you too.**

For those who read and don't review : **Please do, just a little token for the work.**

For those who don't read and yet, make reviews : **WHAT?!**


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